In a desperate attempt to “fix” himself, he turned to conversion therapy, spending eight years trying to pray the gay away. And he wasn’t alone. More than 700,000 people in the US have undergone some form of conversion therapy. Even though Exodus International, the largest ex-gay organization, closed in 2013, the practice still thrives in many conservative religious communities. After years of this harmful “therapy,” Schraeder Rodriguez’s sexuality never changed. But his faith did. The more time he spent in evangelical Christianity, the more he witnessed the hypocrisy of institutions that claimed to love everyone while quietly pushing people like him into silence. But Schraeder Rodriguez wouldn’t remain silent. Instead, he forged a new path, discovering a vibrant faith beyond the constraints of non-affirming theology and finding a community that embraced his whole self.

Conversion Therapy Dropout is a behind-the-scenes look at megachurch culture, the hidden harm of non-affirming Christian spaces, and the ongoing impact of conversion therapy on gay Christians. This isn’t just a coming-out story―it’s about what happens after. About rebuilding a life outside the only world you’ve ever known. And the radical act of stepping into the light after being told your whole life to stay in the shadows. Sometimes, the greatest act of faith isn’t holding on―it’s letting go.

Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez spent almost a decade in gay conversion therapy—all while working behind the scenes at some of the most influential Evangelical Christian megachurches.

After embracing his identity as a gay Christian and stepping away from church work, he co-founded Church Clarity, an organization that helps queer people find affirming faith communities.

His story and work have been featured by ABC News, Harper’s Bazaar, BBC Newshour, The Advocate, NBC, VICE, Religion News Service, and Newsweek. And he was nominated for a 2006 GLAAD Media Award for outstanding journalism for his op-ed in TIME.

Born in the Midwest, he now calls New York City home, where he continues his work as a writer, digital strategist, and advocate for queer people of faith.

Samantha Paige Rosen writes about chronic illness, mental health, queerness, arts and culture, and social justice for publications including Slate, Washington Post, Electric Literature, BOMB, Literary Hub, and elsewhere.  She is the editor of Living, Together: Reimagining Community in the Age of Disconnection, a literary anthology about building community through shared space and shared values. In addition to creative and content writing, Sam tutors and coaches writing outside of Philadelphia alongside her three cats. She earned an MFA from Sarah Lawrence College and is a proud Smith College graduate.